This is the last one. Thanks to everyone who’s read, contributed or been in touch and to anyone who was there at the time. While there’s been quite a bit of ridicule flying about it’s mostly been done with affection. There are some truly ridiculous people in the wonderful world of advertising but they are often hilarious which goes a long way towards their redemption. There are also some wonderful people, many of whom will had experiences similar to those found here. That said, the one person who’s thus far escaped the smug roasting of these pages but has been no stranger to fuckuperry is for it now. I will leave you with some examples:
- Showed up on my first day as a fresh-faced 22 year old in full suit and (my only) tie that had a dolphin on it.
- Forgot to book an entire advertising campaign. This was awkward as we had nothing by way of explanation and it was the most basic service our company provided. It was the equivalent of waking up after an operation, asking the surgeon how it went and for them to say “oh shit I knew there was something I was meant to do while you were asleep”. I had the unenviable task of telling the client that we just hadn’t done it but not to worry because next time we would, because that’s what we normally do.
- Rejected a call from someone I’d not spoken to before because he’d called just outside the 3 hour window I’d agreed with his PA. The nerve, right? I later saw on the news that he had just been made Global CEO of the company that owns the company that owned my company and that I was one of his 130,000 employees. If I’d known that I might have taken the call and not texted him to “give me a bell tomorrow”. He was cool about it. Lovely fella, he’ll do well.
- Put my team’s entire Christmas party budget on red at roulette. We’d all agreed this was a good plan and had mapped out two evening scenarios based on the two available consequences and hit the casino together. Sadly that consequence was Black 13 so Wetherspoons it was. Still a great night.
- Got into an irreconcilable argument with my Selfridges client about whether or not Selfridges was a shop. I had dared to use the word “Retail” which infuriated her immeasurably (possibly exacerbated by all the cocaine she did) because Selfridges was apparently not a shop but an experience. I took a different position because people kept going in and buying stuff which in my view made it a bit shoppy. Being childish (23) and combative I offered to pay for some research where we asked people “what is Selfridges?” Being less childish and high she declined the offer and had me taken off the account.
- Accidently made an American girl I’d not met before cry in a “dealing with conflict” roll play training session. She was dealing, I was conflicting and was asked to act as Mathew McConaughey’s manager (whom she frequently dealt with and frequently made her cry) and evidently nailed it. As it turns out Matthew and his manager are different people though you wouldn’t have known from my performance as I simply shouted at her in a crap southern accent while resitting the temptation to pat my chest while humming. But it worked and she cried. In fact I’m not sure why this made the list.
- Accidently broke a recently received award on the award ceremony bar while doing (as it turns out a vey accurate) impression of the kind of twat who impatiently breaks an award on an award ceremony bar.
That’s it!
Diaries Of Media 